Daniel Charms, 31 Plays, #8

Carpenter Kushakov

Once upon a time there was a carpenter. His name was Kushakov.

One day he left his house and went off to the store to buy some carpenter's glue.

It was early spring, and the street was rather icy. The carpenter made a couple of steps, slipped, fell down, and smashed his forehead open.

- Argh! -- said the carpenter, got up, went off to the pharmacy, bought himself some band-aid, and stuck it on his forehead.

But when he went out on to the street and made a couple of steps, he slipped again, fell and smashed his nose.

- Ugh! -- said the carpenter, got up, went off to the pharmacy, bought himself some band-aid, and stuck it over his nose.

Then he went out on to the street again, slipped again, fell and smashed his cheek.

Once again, he had to go to the pharmacy and apply a band-aid on to his cheek.

- You know, -- the pharmacist said to the carpenter -- you fall and hurt yourself so often, I would recommend you buy a whole pack of band-aid while you're here.

- Believe me -- said the carpenter -- I will not fall again.

But when he came out on to the street, he slipped again, fell, and smashed his chin.

- Curse this ice! -- cried the carpenter and ran to the pharmacy again.

- You see, there -- said the pharmacist -- there you fell again.

- No! -- screamed the carpenter -- I won't hear another word about this! Give me just one band-aid and that will be the end of it!

The pharmacist gave him the band-aid; the carpenter patched his chin and ran home.

But at home he was not recognized by his family and was not let into the apartment.

- I am carpenter Kushakov! -- yelled the carpenter.

- Whatever! -- they replied from within the apartment and locked the door and put the chain on.

Carpenter Kushakov stood for a while on the stairs, spat, and went on to the street.